When my brother died I was reading 'This Is Water'. When my father-in-law died I was reading 'Falconer'. I have grieved much myself for these two good men. I've watched my sister-in-law and her kids struggle with the death of their husband and father. I've watched my mother-in-law struggle with the sad death and absence of her husband. I've watched my wife struggle with the loss of her father. I lost one of each pair suddenly - dramatically. In 18 days it will be four years since my older brother died suddenly in a black hawk crash in Germany. He had recently turned 60 and recently celebrated his 40th wedding anniversary. In four days it will be one year since my father-in-law died in an accidental shooting.
Sharp, sometimes funny, but always clear & precise Completely clear and enjoyable, with wonderful expressiveness of the numbness, desperation, nonbelief, fears, and humor associated with grieving. The external signs of grief can look like depression, and depression can sometimes coexist with grief, but these are two quite different conditions. Grief is hard and important work for the brain, which takes time, and enormous subconscious effort. I feel normal grief is a natural process in which the brain systematically revisits the all the memories and plans related to the loss, adjusting them for the loss.
The author describes the conditions of grief but does not seem to give grief the respect it deserves, and sometimes even seems to consider grief may be a treatable derangement or pathological condition. I hope the author learns this part over time. I believe you should never let them go, you should keep them, and keep them alive AND keep them dead, both, always. The author says near the end of the book “there comes a point at which you must relinquish the dead, let them go, keep them dead.” This is said at the end of the author’s first year of dealing with grief, so is understandable (yet is still, I think, a misunderstanding). Yet, I did not agree with what the author presumed about grief and what she felt to do about grief. The author did a very good job describing the myriad of feelings and behaviors associated with grief. Every now and then I finish a book and I feel a need for some time to process it. Usually when I finish a book, I immediately start a new book. I laughed out loud several times, and became slightly verklempt a few times, but didn’t cry. This is mostly beautifully written, and completely beautifully narrated. Grief is an important part of life, and should be prepared for. It is my opinion every young adult should read this (and A Grief Observed and Being Dead) just to get them ready for what it grief will be like. The author packs in a lot of truth about the grieving process that everyone should know, before they have to go through it themselves. Modern American culture does not openly discuss grieving very well, and this is a rare well written book that carefully regards grief. It is about grief and loss and a very bad year. I am very glad I read this book, and would recommend it to any adult, but I didn’t like it.
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